Is what i want, what i really want?

I dont read much.. its always like suchh a blah to read.. My friends would go like - u wont regret it, its an ammazing book, its jus like a movie.. Its like i need an initial push to start reading a book, n i wud try to pick a thin book - n my friend once mentioned, "its a novel, not some text book! the longer,the better n more the fun".. n i was like- ya ya, watever.. :P So i make sure the few books that i do read are really nice. There was this time in school where we had to give reviews of a book in 9th standard, and i picked 'alchemist', honestly cos it was small.. n also cos everyone had told me that it was really worth it. Shockingly, i actually enjoyed the so muchh and my thinking was definitely affected by it. It was one of those things which got me thinking about life, purpose of life, why we do the things we do, and so many questions which you know have no answers but you just like wondering about sometimes.. It was a very simple story with just one main underlying message - "If you truly want something, the whole universe conspires to give it to you.."

This simple line got me thinking so much. My interpretation sort of goes like this.. If you truly, really really want something, maybe the universe doesnt give it to you, but you would do anything to get it, sacrifice other things, work really hard for it, which is what really makes you get it. You would make the universe go the way you want, to get whatever it is, if you really want it. If you dint do what it takes to get it, it just means that you dint really want it that much, you jus thought you did. You think you'd be just fine without it also.. It made so much sense and things felt so right about it. It is true, isn't it.. i would do anything it takes if i desparately wanted something n make sure that i do get it. Thats when it waked on me.. so many things i thought i wanted to be or wanted to do and i dint end up becoming or doing.. It was like a wakening to the path of self-realization, how i never actually wanted those things so badly.. Now its just left to me to figure out what is it that im working hard for.. What is it that i really want..

“What the hell am I doing here??”

After one screwy cycle test paper everyone starts questioning life. Its funny how the pattern follows, first the cribbing about the paper being lengthy or having out of portion or really complicated questions and how preparing or not preparing never makes a difference.. then about the prof being unable to communicate or teach well and how on top of it he/she is stingy in giving marks or even worse, partial!! Then it starts off with someone saying –“ I should have taken commerce right from school! I dunno what the hell I’m doing here.. ”. That just brings a series of similar passions that were abandoned for an “engineering” college.. stuff like fashion or interior designing courses or maybe joining the army or one of the defense forces (the all-time favourite passionate dream of any kid), or being an air-hostess or a pilot.. “I wanted to be a pilot, but once my cousin told me that I cant be one cos I wear specs :( ”. We probably wouldn’t have become one of these anyways, probably because its one of those things you think you want to do cos it seems cool n all, but when the choice is given, we prefer to choose engineering over our “liked” choices cos we figured that we’re not cut-out for it. Then is Engineering something anyone is cut-out for? Lol.. that’s what we think don’t we.. we’ll know only after getting into it.. I wonder, is this feeling resident only in engineering students or is it irrespective of the line you choose..

A walk on the beach..

Its hard for school friends to keep up with each other’s life when you’re far away. Every time we meet, we start off with the same kinda recap and somehow manage to find a recent incident related to school and start talking about it.. and one thing leads to another and it slowly moves on to the people we know, what they’re upto, any latest news( er, well.. gossip :) ) and the shocks(what?? I cant believe she did something like that!!) and awws and hmmms.. As we talk along the bessie beach platform, we invariably meet someone unexpectedly, either a batch mate or junior or senior and then we catch up a bit from them also..


So it was just another regular, I’ve-come-home-so-lets-catch-up sort of meet up on the beach. As we did the usual sorta talking and walking thing, we decided to sit on the side-walks when we ran out of stuff to talk about. So we were hunting for a couple-free zone to sit so that we could look around freely without having the guilt of invading their privacy (not that we don enjoy it, but somehow maybe we dint have the mood that day :P ). So we found a place opposite to 2 old paattis talking and at first we were like – sigh! These old cribbing people! But only after a couple of minutes of silence and just listening to them, we realized that - that’s what we’d be like when we grow old – That’s what friends forever is, isn’t it.. being friends till the very end! Suddenly, it dint seem very far off.. just a few decades, and we’d be on the other side of the side-walk, maybe whining about our children or maybe even grand-children and cursing servant-maids and talking all the mundane stuff, cos definitely after so many years of an almost shared life, there is rarely anything new to talk about.. It was one of those beautiful moments in life which makes you happy for no reason.. Well, of course, it was kinda short-lived, cos once I wished that I don’t ever become one of those irritating old people who complain about teenagers making too much noise or any other silly things, or a really possessive parent or one of those things no one wants to be, but one just becomes without even realizing that we’ve become one, we just lost track of the lovely moment.. And she said – aiyo! You wont you nut.. I’ll keep check on you.. Then we just made arbit plans of being neighbours or at least living in the same area types so that we’d help each other with “family problems” and raising kids.. haha.. the stupid things we talk about anushy! :D